tBlog - My throat hurts... i think i'll listen to some Nirvana. ~Kurts will for suicide -by Megalynn

My throat hurts... i think i'll listen to some Nirvana. ~Kurts will for suicide -by Megalynn

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My throat hurts... i think i'll listen to some Nirvana. ~Kurts will for suicide -by Megalynn

01.09.04 (6:56 pm) [edit]

ive been thrown into the direction of another one of my Kurt Cobain/Nirvana spells... so im obsessed with him AGIAN! thanks for rekindling the flame, cara! ^.~
if it werent for the man himself, underground music wouldnt even be recognized...
unfortunately for you, this entry is going to be about my little opinion on why he killed himself that no one gives a shit about...

From my viewpoint of the whole entire Nirvana movement and Kurt's life, he wasn't depressingly sick in the head, the drugs didn't matter, he even thought his life was good... and for the most part, he was happy. Cobain wasn't stupid enough to kill himself over depression... for someone like him, depression is easily overcome through writing and living. The lyrical genious didn't kill himself over the commercialism his band produced, or the "lack of love" in his life that he said he felt... I'm sure it was there in his feelings, but it had really nothing to do with his suicide. His obvious hatred for the publicity was noticable all his rock star career and would have continued even after his death, just like he proved. No, Kurt's intellectual power stretched beyond that... His feelings were the cause of his death... and so were his thoughts.
Have you ever had the feeling that reality just vanished before your eyes and you were an unknown entity even in your own body? That life had no purpose in your eyes, even one that was happy? That being alone meant not being hassled by everyone, though you don't mind the commute? I think that these things could have very well went through his mind all of his life... and his suicide was an expression of that feeling rather then the one people usually commit suicide for. It was the unimportance of life that he cared about. He loved, but the love had no meaning...
Kurt said in his last written work that "I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage." That would be a little evidence as to why i think this way towards his feelings. If Cobain written how he truely feeled, the feeling of nothing, then he would come out as a cold, selfish bastard. Which he still let on to that, but it would have multipied by thousands if his true feelings were expressed. To me, his last letter to the world was all the feelings he knew he needed for the symptoms of suicide. He was feeling/had felt those feelings all before, and contributed to his death, but weren't the cause.
Some people are meant to live, some to die. Some people are meant to help better benefit the masses, some are meant to contribute to the motivation of that benefit. Everyone has something to prove in one way or another, whether it's to a million people, 3 people, or just to themselves, it's the purpose of thier life. But Kurt was meant to prove that life has no existence... and he did just that.
But for all we know, he could be sitting in a house in Aberdeen right now... With his ulcer-related stomache pains, throat still recovering, though its been years since his last pereformance, with his daughter beside him watching the latest news on mtv, making sarcastic comments about the unrealism of it all.

lol... it still needs proof reading... ^.~
i hope somene actually reads this lol 8)

posted by: shithouse18 (reply)
post date: 01.09.04 (7:08 pm)

Hey, the sentence structure and choice of words really motivated me, but I believe that no one will ever know about how he really felt, no one can know you better than yourself, although I do feel like I relate to him somehow, but I believe that he felt what I felt, and that was to just forget about how people act and feel, and just stop studying them, cause I feel he was just looking for someone that understood him and that is how I relate to him. He was a great man, and he chose the right rode in his mind, may God have mercy on his soul. But as I stated earlier, he just got tired of looking and he finally just laid down, and rested for eternity.

posted by: Megalynn (reply)
post date: 01.09.04 (7:13 pm)

but thats way to common of an excuse for suicide... slight mannerisms could object to that...
but you are right when you said no one knows how he really felt.. that would be impossible for anyoen to interpret... i was just thinking of other possibilities... ones more suited to his thinking habbits....

posted by: shithouse18 (reply)
post date: 01.09.04 (7:16 pm)

well, he just always seemed tired of life, even on the stage were musicians are mostly happy. Trust me I know that he was sick of his life and the people always in it, stabbing him in the back tearing his heart out. You should know about the pain of losing someone.

posted by: Megalynn (reply)
post date: 01.09.04 (7:26 pm)

Reply to: shithouse18
your basing that on what your relationship to him is... you cant do that when your tryign to figure someone out. like you said before, your not him. he had different feeligns then you and me and anyone else because feelings are somethng you create yourself. he's lost things in his life like everyoen else, but i think he knows how to deal with it himself... he's semarter then to let it build up inside, thats what all the creative writing is and the drug abuse...

posted by: shithouse18 (reply)
post date: 01.09.04 (7:40 pm)

Well, I guess hes just stronger than me. Bah who knows, but all Im going to say is that we all have no clue what was going through his mind, and I dont know...

posted by: Steelmagnolia (reply)
post date: 01.11.04 (9:57 am)

Your words are interesting & Jared's are....um, interesting....

Well, I just feel like you could read all the books in the world about Kurt & feel like you know why he killed himself. Or you could read them all & feel certain Courtney killed him. But you aren't really getting closer to "the truth." You're just reading other people's opinions of "the truth."

Or maybe you've got Kurt figured out to the ninth, who knows?

posted by: milagra (reply)
post date: 01.11.04 (1:47 pm)

There is some pretty deep thinking going on here. Personally, I believe we all need purpose in our lives and when people who seem to have everything kill themselves, it is proof that "things" are not the same as purpose. Some of the most miserable people in the world have lots of stuff and are doing what they thought at one time they wanted to do. Life is a journey and you should try to go along with it. He chose not to. What a shame.

posted by: shithouse18 (reply)
post date: 01.11.04 (2:20 pm)

Well, all Im trying to say is that no one understood him and just look at him, it clearly shows he isnt happy about life.

posted by: shithouse18 (reply)
post date: 01.11.04 (2:21 pm)

And Cara, not to be blunt or anything, but FUCK you if you dont like what I base my opinions on, and you To Megan....

I still love you guys very much, but today Im on the rag and ovulating.

posted by: Megalynn (reply)
post date: 01.11.04 (5:36 pm)

Reply to: Steelmagnolia
lol speaking of books, i bought 2 of them today about kurt.

your right, im just reading opinions... but the one book im reading now is a complete biography with over 400 interveiw segments and 4 years of research. which even with all of that, no one will ever know anything but opinions. im just trying to understand him a little more through what other people know about him. ill never get the chance to meet him... its the only way ill ever know anything about kurt cobain...

posted by: Megalynn (reply)
post date: 01.11.04 (5:38 pm)

Reply to: shithouse18
dont get around to many girls, you might get pregnant, or at least thats what my pastor would say...

posted by: milagra (reply)
post date: 01.13.04 (6:22 pm)

Reply to: Megalynn
Only if he gets on the bottom.

posted by: adinaloki (reply)
post date: 01.14.04 (4:13 pm)

in my opinion he didnt kill himself, but i have a very very strong view on this and could argue for hours, and i'd probably get very angry and shout at u, which isnt something i want to do to a fellow kurt appreciater! So ill just stop at saying nice blog! and Kurt was such an amazing person!! :)

posted by: Megalynn (reply)
post date: 01.14.04 (4:26 pm)

Reply to: adinaloki
yes yes yes! another kurt fan! yes, i know a few other people that would agree that kurt didnt do the dirty deed... but ive actually read into that theory too... and i still think he killed himself. i dont think they should have passed it so quickly off as suicide though when they first found him... there should have been more investigation to begin with. id actually love to hear why you think he waas murdered.. id like to get into that senario more... that is if you dont mind lol... i have yahoo if tblog is a hassle.

posted by: adinaloki (reply)
post date: 01.17.04 (6:45 am)

Reply to: Megalynn
You have inspired me to blog about Kurts death on my blog, go read it if you want to hear my views! :) and feel free to comment and argue with me! lol

posted by: jenna (reply)
post date: 01.25.04 (4:03 pm)

i think what you wrote was really awesome and i've never really thought of it before...i know what you mean about being obsessed with him again and feel like a total creep for writing this...but anyways i just wanna say that im glad that theres more people in the world like me, i hope.